The first day of spring brought plenty of sunshine, a cool breeze and a break in the winter weather. As many of you know I am an avid Grateful Dead fan and have consumed much of my life with all things Dead music.
Returning to work Monday morning would somewhat depress me until about mid day, then things turned up. As I started finishing paper work at my desk, I turned on the Grateful Dead channel on my computer that plays this day in Grateful Dead history, allowing you to choose a show from the past. My choice was March 21,1994.
The opening song was a strong "Greatest Story Ever Told" directly into a "Bertha", what more could you ask for on a opening set? You can hear the fans go crazy when Bertha started, and at the end you can hear the fans droll over the strength of the song.
As I sat in my office with the lights turned off and only natural light shining in through the tiny window I realized that I still felt like dancing. I was up and down grooving to the tunes. I doubt I will ever stop dancing when I hear the music, there is just something about the music the sunshine and the feeling I get. I can't explain it, I feel my youth inside of me shaking loose as I lurch around to the music.
The music takes me back to a time when I was free. Not free in the sense of not attached to one thing, but a freedom of mind. The mind is a powerful thing, it controls everything I do. It makes me feel the way I do when I hear the music. The freedom is unexplainable but it is a freedom that I had when I was in high school and college.Some people try to explain it as a freedom from responsibility, but that is not quite the right explanation. It is a freedom of youth, of growing up and making mistakes, a freedom of self realization. Finding ones self is something I strongly believe in. Some say that finding ones self in rebelling and wondering is a wast of time that finding ones self is in finding happiness inside of yourself. For myself, finding my way was an adventure in my mind. I traveled from state to state and town to town. I loved as much as I could and saw all I could see living a blind life led by the thoughts in my free flowing mind. When a notion took hold I followed that thought.
I lived in my car for days on end and week after week at times. I can't even recall all of the places I have scene and towns I have visited or even the friends that loaned me a piece of carpet for nights in strange towns. What I can recall are the feelings I feel when the music plays through the jumbled thoughts in my mind that now consume my mundane movements.
I found myself and am still re-discovering myself everyday. I am not trapped by my maturity only defined by my actions. The music still sounds the same as it did in my youth, though I don't make it to many outdoor festivals anymore and my concert days are blocked by lack of funding. Though with a family to support now, I still feel the warmth of the sunshine on my face, I still see the colors when I close my eyes and I will always dance when the music plays through.
